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Setting intentions can make post-divorce life less stressful

More people file for divorce in January than in any other month of the year, because couples often put off filing until the holidays have passed. No one wants to make the rounds of holiday parties alone or explain a missing spouse at family gatherings. No one wants to think about matters such as child custody, visitation, property division or other divorce-related issues. But, once January rolls around, the rush to the courthouse--or a good divorce lawyer--begins.

Don't make dealing with a marriage that's already ended one of your New Year's resolutions. Resolutions come and go, and no one really expects you to keep them. Instead, a relationship counselor suggests that you set "intentions" for the coming year. An intention signals that you've changed your heart and your mind about something, and you are ready to move forward and accomplish your intentions.

Here are some of the intentions that can help make your divorce go more smoothly this year:

Intention #1 -- Separate emotions from rational thinking. Are you hanging on to the emotional ideal of a perfect marriage? Set an intention to be realistic about your marriage. Rational thinking tells you that no marriage is perfect. Let go of that emotional ideal and move on.

Intention #2 -- Be open to new ideas. Being single after a marriage can be scary, but it can also be exciting. You already know how it feels to be half of a married couple. Find out how it feels to take dancing lessons without a partner, to get away on a weekend by yourself, or to support a cause that your spouse thought was silly.

Intention #3 -- Don't tolerate negativity. Surround yourself with people who see the glass as half-full. Set an intention to eliminate gossips and complainers from your life, and make it happen.

Make every day a purposeful, productive day by setting daily intentions that get you through your divorce and on the way to a new way of living that you love.

Source: Huffington Post, "The power of intentions -- thriving through divorce" Melanie Gorman, Jan. 10, 2012

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