With divorce, things are sometimes clearer in the rear-view mirror

| Jun 23, 2014 | Divorce |

Given that adults are, well, adults, not too many of them probably look back upon marriages from the vantage point of divorce and wonder whether they made a mistake in untying the marital knot.

After all, divorce is hardly a casually considered activity, and there are a number of long-term indicators that typically precede it. In most cases, they collectively provide strong and dispassionate evidence that going separate ways is a logical and preferable outcome to a failed relationship.

What likely strikes many people in the wake of divorce is, instead, this internally posed question: Why did I wait so long?

Indeed, reams of both empirical and anecdotal evidence indicate that many people believe they should have gotten divorced even sooner than they did.

Vacillation over the divorce question is certainly common and can owe to a number of causes. An author on divorce and recent contributor to a national newspaper on the subject readily cites many of the hesitancy markers associated with pre-divorce determinations. A central consideration is often the kids. Being afraid of change is another concern. So, too, is the initially implacable belief of many people that they just aren’t trying hard enough and need to keep persevering.

While acknowledging these factors, writer Honoree Corder notes that some realities that are playing out in a troubled marriage send clear signals that a divorce should be rationally considered and that a decoupling may in fact be a sensible and life-affirming decision.

For example, staying put for the sake of the kids is often a consideration that is not well considered. If a couple is miserable, how are their children benefited?

Another logical divorce trigger is non-stop arguing over trivial points. So, too, is a drug or alcohol dependency that is clearly out of control. Domestic violence is a clear indicator of things gone radically gone. Having little in common, pursuing romantic relationships with other persons, not being candid about money matters — all these issues and more can be clear harbingers of an unhappy and unhealthy life spent as a couple.

Life is short, notes Corder, and being happy and sane is important. When a person knows that his or her marriage is flatly on the rocks, it is time to speak with a proven divorce attorney.

Source: Huffington Post, “Is it time to get a divorce?” Honoree Corder, June 19, 2014

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