A mediator and author on divorce wants divorced couples with children to note a couple points right out of the box following their marital dissolution.
First, says Tara Fass, you really do need to let go — right now — of any overt rancor and hostility that featured in your marriage and that existed right up to its breakup. Take a time out. Call a ceasefire.
“Hostile separations and divorces are harmful and outdated” if there is a continuing spillover effect post-dissolution, says Fass.
Second, a “new paradigm” regarding child custody — namely, that moms and dads are much more equally involved in their kids’ lives after a divorce than in bygone years where mothers customarily had physical custody of the children for most of the time — requires a platonic and business-type parenting relationship to best promote the children’s interests.
In other words, it just makes sense to kick the pre-divorce acrimony out the door after the marriage has expired. It is actually not as hard as many couples think, says Fass, because, after all, they are no longer living together. Becoming “business-like, problem-solving platonic parents” flatly makes the most sense and ultimately promotes everyone’s best interests.
So, it may not be too off the mark for a divorced couple with kids to best see themselves as kind of a mom-and-dad team akin to a business corporation. Parents, Inc., for example, managed by dispassionate business owners with a mission statement geared toward turning out well-adjusted children who will blossom as adults.
Stress healing over legal battle, says Fass. Again, it’s the new — and eminently sensible — parenting paradigm.
Source: Source: Huffington Post, “Easing transitions between two homes in the ‘tender years,'” Tara Fass, April 26, 2013