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In a Divorce, Finding the Sweet Spot Between Too Nasty and Too Nice

Maybe friends or family members have cautioned you about the downside of a bitter divorce. Though there is wisdom in such concern, the reverse is also true: there can be a downside from being too nice as well.

This can be the case no matter where you are in the divorce process.

For example, let's say you have kids and want to retain a friendly relationship with your ex-spouse after the divorce. After all, you'll both still be involved in your children's lives, and might even go to parent-teacher conferences together.

So perhaps, trying hard to amicable, you agree to your recently unemployed spouse's request to postpone the formal divorce filing until he or she finds a new job.

At first glance, it sounds like a reasonable request. It might even seem to be in your best interest, because it could lead to a larger settlement for child support, and possibly also spousal support.

What happens, however, if your spouse is unable to get a job in a timely manner? Or if you get sick and are unable to complete the training you needed to get your own job lined up?

This is merely one example, based on a real Nevada. In a major metro area like Atlanta, scenarios like it play out all the time. And when they do, you've got to be ready to assert your rights. This doesn't mean you have to be nasty; it just means you have to start looking out for your own interests now.

In other words, you have to find the sweet spot between too nasty and too nice. The need to do this affects a wide range of divorces, from high-profile cases like Jane Fonda or Marianne Gingrich to others who are not well known.

Source: "YOUR MONEY - Divorce mistakes you can make by being too nice," Reuters, Geoff Williams, 6-26-12

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