One thing that family advocates, practicing divorce attorneys, therapists and other professionals occasionally remind the public of is that divorce is a process that, while having some commonalities in many cases in terms of timelines, concerns and so forth, is fact-specific and unique for each person involved in it.
In other words, and as one divorce consultant and author puts it, “one size doesn’t really fit all.”
That should be fairly evident, given the factors that might — or might not — be in play in any given divorce, such as the following: child custody, child support, property division, spousal maintenance, a prenuptial agreement, allegations of domestic abuse and scores of other potential considerations.
As the above author, Deborah Moskovitch, prefers to state it, much that is generally perceived about divorce is flat-out myth.
Take the notion held by some people, for example, that divorce spells the end of what was stable and, in many aspects, good. Moskovitch notes the immediate irony in that belief: If the pre-divorce environment was underscored by stability and happy memories, why the divorce?
Another widely held misconception is that children flounder after a divorce.
Frankly, some do and some don’t, with researchers noting that the division is just about the same for children who are not from a divorced family. Many millions of adults who were once children in a divorced family know that any simple statement regarding this subject is, well, simple and often off base. Quite often, and in cases where parents handle their divorce civilly and in an adult manner, children are the better for it. As Moskovitch says, “It’s the way their parents manage divorce that determines how positive the outcome is.”
The divorce process — both the legal dissolution and, often, a lengthy period after it — is often complex on many levels, especially if the marriage itself was lengthy.
As Moskovitch notes, it is personal and singular for every person involved.
Related Resource: Huffington Post, “Divorce Myths Debunked”Aug. 29, 2011