• 29
  • November
    2011

It's no secret that the holidays tend to be a stressful time. From the cultural shopping frenzy to the heightened expectations of the season, it can be a lot to cope with for almost everyone.

But divorce adds a whole other level to the usual holiday challenges. To former spouses trying to rebuild their lives, trying to make it a happy time for the kids is not easy at all.

If you are going through this, keep in mind that you are not alone. In fact, the data show you have plenty of company. This is as true for divorce in Atlanta as it is elsewhere in the country.

Nationally, the number of children who will go through the holidays this year for the first time since their parents divorced is over one million. There are also millions of children who have already done this.

That's a whole lot of kids. And the ways in which ex-spouses can spoil the fun for them are many and various.

What's needed are effective strategies for creating a meaningful holiday experience for children. And clearly that requires flexibility and careful planning.

One good strategy to start with is to take an expansive definition of "the holidays." Writing in the Huffington Post, Marie Hartwell-Walker, a psychologist, pointed out that the traditional song about "Twelve Days of Christmas" can be a useful reminder to avoid quarrels with an ex-spouse about who gets the kids on which dates.

No matter who has them on Christmas Eve or Day, New Year's Eve or Day, or any other day, the important thing is to cultivate joyful, meaningful experiences.

Sometimes, doing that may involve reaching out to an ex-spouse's new partner and including him or her in gift-giving or some other holiday event. As the saying goes, "you only get what you give." Especially at the holidays.

Source: "Divorced Parenting During The Holiday Season: Flexibility Is The Key," HuffPost, 11-15-11